A Challenging Year with My Agent

In April 2022 I signed a contract with a literary agent. It was thrilling!

Since her offer of representation happened quickly, I expected other things to happen quickly too. In particular, I expected to get some notes from her on the manuscript so I could revise and then we could go out on submission.

But that didn’t happen.

Fiona had asked me to work on new title ideas for my middle grade dog novel and said I’d need a headshot. I took care of those tasks quickly. (Actually, I need to try again with title ideas. The title’s still not right.)

I wasn’t sure what to do next. I didn’t want to bombard Fiona with emails. I know publishing is a slow business, so I tried to be patient.

At the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had buyer’s remorse. Had she read my novel more carefully and decided she’d made a mistake in offering me representation?

I also wasn’t sure what she thought of my zoo mystery idea. When I briefly explained the basic concept, she wanted to know more. I shared more of the story details that arose from my blueprint planning process, but she didn’t respond.

Did she hate the idea? I didn’t know. But I liked my idea, so I emailed her and told her I was going ahead with it.

At the end of the summer, I heard back from an editor I’d submitted my dog novel to before querying Fiona. The editor had participated in a virtual Vermont College of Fine Arts Alumni Mini-Residency that I’d also attended in 2021. I forwarded the editor’s email to Fiona.

That prompted Fiona to respond and say she’d be getting me her feedback in the fall. It was a short, friendly note that gave me hope. Maybe my fears were completely groundless.

Meanwhile, I kept working on my zoo mystery. It was the only thing under my control and Fiona had wanted me to have a second animal book.

Maybe, I thought, she was waiting for that to be done, or close to it, before going on submission with my dog novel.

I decided not to worry about our lack of communication and just kept plugging away at the zoo mystery throughout the fall and winter. Finishing that would give me a reason to contact her again.

And if she didn’t respond then, well, perhaps it would be time to look for another agent.

Perhaps her silence was her way of telling me to go away and stop bothering her.

Imposter syndrome, anyone?

On the other hand, maybe something else was going on, something I didn’t know about.

My dog novel is about grief. That’s not an easy topic to immerse yourself in if real life has gotten profoundly hard.

So a couple of weeks ago, after I finished the first draft of my zoo mystery, I sent Fiona a gently worded message. I pointed out that it’s been a year since we agreed to work together and that I haven’t received feedback on my manuscript from her. I suggested that more important things than work were occupying her instead. And then I asked her point-blank: Have you changed your mind about wanting to work with me?

I mean, why not be direct?

And … crickets.

A week later I’d still heard nothing.

Okay, now it was time to seriously consider seeking other representation.

Yet I wanted to give Fiona the benefit of the doubt. So I emailed her once more, this time with a deadline for her response. I told her that if I didn’t hear from her by then, I’d assume she wanted to terminate our contract.

I hated doing that. It felt so pushy and aggressive.

But it worked.

Fiona responded with an apology and an offer to speak in a few days. I replied quickly to say I’d LOVE to talk.

We had a WONDERFUL conversation. I am so glad I gave her that final shove. She apologized again, briefly explained about her horrible year, and told me she’d understand if I wanted to seek other representation.

She also talked about my dog novel and the kinds of things she’d like me to do to “polish” it before she starts sending it out. She’s been thinking about it and discussing it with others.

And the thing is, I don’t want another agent. Fiona’s interest in animal books, her contacts for those books, and her persistence in finding a home for those books impressed me last year. She understands this market, she’s smart, and she’s genuine. I think she’ll be a fabulous business partner in this publishing adventure.

During our conversation I admitted that I’d started to feel a bit of imposter syndrome. A look of alarm crossed her face and she said, “Michele, you are a real writer.”

That’s something I know, deep down, but it’s also nice to hear it from others once in a while.

So, more to come.