Are We Being too Hard on Ourselves?

Amy, the veterinary technician, and Louise, the veterinarian, give one of the wolves at the Lake Superior Zoo a physical exam.

I’m working on a new MG novel, a mystery set at a zoo. I’ve been researching zoos and zoo animals, including wolves. As part of my research, I recently headed back to the Lake Superior Zoo with my friend, the soon-to-retire consulting veterinarian Dr. Louise Beyea. She and the lead carnivore keeper, Lizzie, had invited me to come watch as they gave the zoo’s three wolves their physicals.

I got to see all sorts of cool stuff like the wolves inside their individual den boxes, which are like dog houses with removable tops. I watched as two keepers carried a sedated, muzzled wolf to a small UTV and then drove her up to the animal hospital. Then I got to watch the physical exam.

While Louise palpated the wolf’s abdomen and checked her joints, the vet tech, Amy, did some quick dental cleaning with a sonic scaler. Then the wolf was carried into the next room for X-rays. Then back to the treatment room for blood draws, vaccinations, and any needed dental surgery. (One wolf needed a couple of teeth extracted because one was dead and another was broken.)

I also got to touch one of these sedated wolves. The fur was so thick and dense!

About three hours later, each wolf was back in her den box and had been given another shot to wake her up. They were all doing well. Louise’s work was done, so we headed to lunch at Thirsty Pagan Brewing in Superior.

While we talked about the wolves and my novel, I said something about feeling bad that I’d missed writing that morning. I’ve been pretty good at maintaining my fiction writing habit. The only time I’d missed until recently was when I visited my sister for a couple of days and took a break.

Louise rightly pointed out that I was doing research for that novel. She didn’t say so, but I was being too hard on myself.

I find that other writers do that too. We hold ourselves to unnecessarily high standards. We don’t cut ourselves slack when something happens—like experiencing illness or an injury or a time crunch from other responsibilities.

Or, perhaps especially, when we don’t make the kind of progress we hope to make.

I said to a book coaching client the other day, “You’re being too hard on yourself. Would you say to one of your students what you just said about yourself?”

She paused and blinked and said, “No.”

It’s so hard sometimes to see the progress that we have already made when we’re measuring ourselves against some standard that may not be reasonable or realistic for that particular day or week.

Back in February I set myself a daily goal of 250 words or 30 minutes per day on my creative work. A few weeks ago I increased my daily word count goal to 300 words. I usually finish in less than 30 minutes and usually have a bit more than 300 words.

Baby goals help me make progress and feel accomplished. Having modest goals that I can accomplish is one way I’m kind to myself.

My wish for all writers is that we are kind to ourselves.

How are you being kind to yourself as a writer?